There are times when you stop and begin to think about the world you live in.And then you begin wishing you could change certain things...
The other day, I was listening to my biology sir talk about how the mortality rate of certain developing countries is higher than that of the developed ones like Sweden and the US... and all because of the better facilities that the US and Sweden have...
And then you begin to think how unfair life can be at times....A kid born in the "developing" countries will probably die a lot earlier, before he's an adult maybe, just because he was born into that poor nation.... If he'd been born American, he'd live longer....
I began wishing I could do something about that...become a doctor, maybe,(though bio is one of those subjects that make me want to pull out my hair in frustration...), and go to Ethiopia, work for free, set up hospitals......
But then this cold little voice called reason awoke. What can one lone 16 year-old, with wild dreams, who's not even out of school yet do all on her own? How the hell was I gonna change anything? I was just a clueless girl in a big cold cruel world....
But then, I guess you gotta believe in yourself right? It's not like I can't make a difference....and even the smallest one would count. So maybe I'm going to be working as a doctor in Ethiopia a few years from now.....
^_^
Peace,
Maya

There are times when you feel trapped...
Restrictions upon restrictions are piled on you till you want to scream your throat raw or shatter glass or throw things clear across the room....
I feel like that now.
I hate my bloody life and I don't know why there's a 12th grade. Weren't 11 bad enough?
And that too during my so-called "sweet-sixteenth" year. Nobody understands and NOBODY cares....
I would be swearing if I were allowed too...

I've never really walked hand-in-hand on the beach with a guy I am in love with....
I guess I'm missing out on a lot of things...
All of a sudden, I'm depressed. I bet I'm the only teen who has gone through her whole school life without dating. No boyfriend a all....God, I'm such a loser.......Ah, well.....take things as they come, I guess, or so I've heard...It's not like I'm dead....I've still got a looong time to live...
All of a sudden, I'm feeling better...^_^
Peace
Maya

Bliss.....
To be able to lie there and watch the clouds drift by....
just blowing with the wind.
Seriously, what I wouldn't give.....
xoxoxo
Maya

Hey, I'm back... I've made a solemn promise to myself that I wil keep updating you regularly, instead of spending what little online time I get on facebook and piratebay(:P)...
So basically, my life right now is all studies.....I have my SATs coming up and just after them, I have my preboards...and the pressure is unbelievable. I'm a little more than tired of school and tuitions and anything to do with boks and there are moments when I just wish I could run away and find a nice quiet cozy place to lie down and take a nap in the sun, laze around and watch the clouds drift by in a blue blue sky, on the grassy banks of a happy brook....and then my eyes open and I have my chemistry book open in front of me, a welt in my forehead left by the pages of the book, punishing me for having fallen asleep on it.
It's sad, really....
And then there are times when I'm so stressed that I want to scream and...and break GLASS....breaking glass seems like such a perfect way to let it all out... crystal shatters and so do the walls in your mind, that aren't letting you think straight... that blocks your thoughts, forming a maze in which they are lost forever.
But I guess 12th grade is something EVERYONE has to go through, one time or the other. So the only thing to do now is grit my teeth and keep marching on (One Republic ^_^ <3)....Even this will pass....and it's said that only the the test of fire makes the finest steel, n'est-ce pas? Several tests of fire are coming up and I will make it through them....I promise that to myself....
Bring it on, CBSE!!!

Right, so as I was saying yesterday, I realized eight months and no friends later, that maybe i should stop feeling so guarded and resentful, and maybe get to know the girls in my class who I had distanced from myself, despite their attempts to be friendly. I'd figured that maybe I was thinking the wrong way, b assuming that I would only make friends who would forget me or that I'd forget eventually. Life doesn't work that way...sometimes you meet people who touch your lives and leave a mark, like an ink drop in a glass of water. They may change you, or you may change them....but whatever the case, you'll always remember them.And so I broke that shell around me, an the difference it made in my life was AMAZING! I got to know all of them better and I'm really glad I decided to bring down the walls! Three of us went skating the other day and had oodles of fun!!! One of the best days of my life! Love you guys^_^!
xoxoxo
Maya

It's been so so so so so so so so so long since my last entry.....
Oh wait, I think ALL my entries begin like this.
So anyway, a WHOLE LOT has happened in all this time. At the beginning of 12th grade I'd shifted to a new school, and had to go through the whole "new girl in a new school' situation again.... not that I'm not used to it.... I mean, I've been to around 5 schools already...And to be frank, I really HATED my new only-girl's school at first. It was just so different from my old one, and I felt like a fish out of water there. COMPLETELY out of my comfort zone...it was just SO WEIRD to suddenly be in an only-girls class after having studied with guys for the last 13 years....
Okay, chem tuitions in 10...will continue this entry later...
xoxoxo
Maya