Tuesday, April 12, 2011

I am INCREDIBLY pissed....AND have a splitting headache to top it all off. There's this thing EATING away at my heart. It sounds sappy, I know....but there's really no other way to describe it. It's nothing connected with romance, just a gnawing irritating pain that refuses to go away and is getting even worse as time passes. I want to scream and break things a lot and that disturbs me because I've never been the excessively violent type.......Okay, maybe I HAVE been, but not to a point where it has consumed me like this. There are times when I wish the sound around me would fade away and the world would slow down a little, because everything is always so noisy or speeding by. There's no time to really ENJOY an experience. Either the wold is spinning too fast or I'm the one that's slow. It could very well be the latter, I've always been a sorta turtle at most things. Of course, there ARE exceptions and all, but still...
So anyway, to change the subject, I'll talk about something else.
I woke up early (i.e my kind of early -.-) to go for math entrance coaching today. After class, I (finally) got to wander around on my own and explore the neighbourhood a bit. I figured it was about time I did, considering there's a very high possibility I might be studying in Chennai after all. And knowing my way around would be good so I wouldn't come across as a TOTAL idiot when I met new people.
Then again, it's ME so I probably still would.....-.-
Regardless of all that, it would be helpful to know my way around. And I traveled to class on my own the last 4 days or so, and I'm very proud of myself for byhearting the route from my cousin's house to class.
No sooner had I done that, when ..........we moved. To my OTHER cousin's house-.-
I kid you not.
Can you say 'FRUSTRATED'? Now I have to learn the route AAAAAAALL over again, not to mention that the new route is a hell lot more confusing and harder to learn than the old one was. And so after I wandered around a bit, I walked down to the temple wayyy down the street where my mom had asked to meet her. It's been AGES since I've been in a temple, actually, and I feel SO out of place there. I've never been VERY religious. There's been the one pilgrimage when I was 6, maybe, and the occasional praying (which escalates greatly during exam time :P), and the regular festivals and holy days. But nothing more. And when I go into temples, I often feel that EVERYONE there knows that I am not a devout worshiper like all of them are but a stupid girl who has probably wandered into the pretty building by mistake -.- .
And I don't like that. Maybe I don't pray all that often, but that does not make me a godless brat. And so, I went in, prayed a little, searched for my mom surreptitiously, got tired of all the stares, and walked out. I sat on the curb of the road, texted my mom, telling her that I was going to wander around a little. I walked down that road, and found this cool looking park nearby, which I recognized as the Annanagar park. It's got this huge tower in the middle which is closed to people, because apparently more than one person has tried commit suicide by jumping from the top.
Just THINKING about that gave me the creeps. I guess I've always been more than a little freaked at high places. I sat down at this bench and pulled out my art book 'cos I had nothing to do and it was the right atmosphere to do a little drawing... I wasn't trying to pose as those people from movies, who are seen drawing or writing in the park and look 'oh-so-cool'. I just like parks and restaurants because they're nice places to have a little time to yourself. And there was this ADORABLE little kid trying to get across this semicircular climbing frame, but kept stopping just before he reached the top, and asking his mom to get him down. He tried twice or thrice before giving up and running off to see-saw instead. Seeing him brought back memories of my own experiences with climbing frames. As a kid, I climbed the many we have in Kuwait parks, but I never made it to the top either. That little issue of acrophobia, you see...
And my mom showed up a few minutes later, just as I finished sketching the playground. So we set off back home. However, I think that I'll be visiting that park more often in the future, especially since it isn't too far from my class. It feels nice to be able to walk around on your own with no adults to bother you, and without having to depend on someone for money and transportation. It makes me feel strangely....independent. A feeling I'm (sadly) very unused to-.-
So anyway, we've got friends over at the house so I'm going to go now.

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